friendships gone awry
At what point do we consciously decide we're not gonna be friends with someone, we've fallen out with?
If you've been friends with someone for years & something happens that causes a fall out & you stop speaking, when is it decided that you're no longer friends?
The truth is, I don't think it is ever decided, I think you become acquaintances, especially if you're of the same friend group, but it also means that they stop talking to people you're closely associated with. You're going to be invited to things & potentially bump in to that person. Does this mean you be completely uncivilised to that person, don’t even glance in their direction. Or do you act like nothing has changed while you're there, put on a fake smile, laugh at their jokes, ask them how they’ve been & then go back to not talking again. Then there's the problem of who's right & who's wrong, something that needs to be brought up, if you're ever hoping to reconcile. Who did what to who, does it really matter? Was it something silly, can you even properly remember what happened or is it now a fleeting memory, that has no intricate details that you can think of ,that led to this huge fall out? You simply got angry & decided that anger was worth losing a longtime friendship over.
But does the pettiness & hatred continue from there? When inviting people to something, such as a birthday party & you've invited everyone else in your friend group. Do you not invite that person & hope they never find out & potentially stop a few people from going, probably making them choose "me or them" or do you invite them anyway out of courtesy & leave the ball in their court to decide what they want to do. I think I'm a decent person, I haven't been told otherwise. I do what I can for people, when I can, but even in doing that, I've lost friends. You become reliable & make yourself free & open to helping, but then there comes a time when you can't help. Because you have other responsibilities or something comes up, even if its just one time, you're slated for it. Called all the names under the sun & made to feel like the worst person in the world, for this one incident. What can you do though, they've already decided how they feel about you, you're already a past thought, they've moved on & are looking for someone else to do the same to. You're thankful to be away from the drama but at the same time, you miss that person because they played a big part in your life, and in your kids lives & now you don't see the people they are closely associated with either. It all becomes a viscious circle & you're left wondering what could have been. No use dwelling on the past & we're better off without the toxic people in our lives. But, we want that fantasy world where everyone gets along & accepts each others flaws & is able to move on, forgive & forget. But sometimes that is just asking too much.
Obviously this is solely based on the type of person they are, if they are a decent human being & good friend they’ll most likely forgive you in a heartbeat. they’ll realise that life happens & we can’t always control what happens from day to day. But sadly, some people don’t care enough to think about that & they think the world revolves around them, too wrapped up in what they want. Some are even viscious about it, pointing out every inscurity you might have, to make themselves feel better, when really all they are doing, is trying to justify the way they have behaved. They know what they’re doing is awful but now they’ve poisoned the water & rather than owning up to what they have done, they simply ignore it & act like the other person is to blame. it’s just short of abusive.
But anyway, that’s my take on it.
Redhead xx
